Friday, February 10, 2006


It was another night of relatively well-behaved passengers. My favorite ride of the evening was when I picked up two teenage girls who gabbed about boys the whole way home. After they got settled in the back, one turned to the other and said, "Okay, so who do you like more -- Simon or Andrew?" The other girl replied, "Well, Simon's cuter, but... I don't know... Andrew's cooler." Then she continued, "Oh, fuckin' Gabe! I found out he does like me. He is SO annoying." They continued discussing the ever-important boy situation until I dropped them off at their Upper East Side apartment building. By the end of the trip, it sounded like Simon was coming out the winner.

Later, a 20-something-year-old woman got in and, after a minute or two, said "I don't think he likes me." I turned around and was about to say, "Excuse me?" when I realized she had made a call and wasn't actually talking to me. Apparently she was just coming from a first date that didn't work out the way she had hoped. From what I could hear of her conversation, the guy had given her the old unenthusiastic "I'll be in touch" line at the end of the date and didn't kiss her when she gave him the opportunity. The moment sounded utterly cringe-worthy. When she got out, it occurred to me that I should've offered to set her up with Andrew. I hear he's cool and I think he's still available, even if he is all of fourteen years old.

And the most annoying ride of the night (which, luckily, wasn't even too annoying compared to other nights) was when three people got in at the Meat Packing District (of course) and wanted to go to Scores West. When I told them I didn't know exactly where it was, they stared at me blankly and just kept repeating "Scores West, Scores West" over and over again, as if that was gonna make me suddenly know the address. After saying it a few more times, they added, "It's a strip club." I replied, "That still doesn't help me." I could've taken them to any number of strip clubs, quite a few of which I'm very familiar with (from bringing passengers there, of course), including the Scores on the east side (60th between 1st and 2nd), but they were set on Scores goddamn West. Finally they figured out they could call 411. They got the address and I was able to deliver them to their fill of tits and ass. Now I know: Scores West is on 28th St between 10th and 11th Aves. Make a note of it.


Derek said...

Funny stuff. I live in Worcester MA and all the cab drivers around here are pretty cool. Once a driver picked up me, my two friends, a large dog, and the remnants of the half keg we were drinking all night. He even let the dog bark into the cb (or whatever its called). Good times. Love the stories by the way.

Arie said...

Yay for Jennifer!

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

I love you!

Simon said...

I won!

Great blog btw, very enjoyable reading :)

jusbeinapain said...

Good stuff,it flows like a stream,oh yea,I love you more.

acquamarine11 said...

Hi I live in India. Have a long lost friend who lives somewhere in Brooklyn. Ever since I have dicovered ur blog I check it out everyday. For me its a way of feeling close to my fiend out there.

I like the way u write.
Happy writting

itsybitsygod said...

Isn't it written in the rules somewhere that cabbies have to know the locations of all the strip clubs and AA meetings in the city?
Back to cabbie-school for you!

AH! said...

Must be better T-n-A at the West Scores.

theinebriantgrape said...

scores west dammit.

you may now comment on my blog.

Patrick said...

I love your site, I actually have it book-marked, read it whenever you update. Keep it comin'...

Rainnede said...

Hey, M.P., love your blog. I've been reading for several weeks now, and I really enjoy your writing style. It's one of my daily stops, and I'm always happy to see a new post.

People are interesting, aren't they? Your story about the people wanting to go to the strip club who don't know the address and expected you to know it sounds kinda like what I deal with on a daily basis. I work for a manufacturer of bank supplies, and I get calls every single stinking day from people who expect me to know everything about them, even when they don't identify themselves. Typical call:

Me: "Hello, thank you for calling so-and-so, this is Rainne, how may I help you today?"

Caller: "Hi, I need to order 400 of the clear bags, thanks."

And they will seriously start to hang up. We have thousands of customers, thousands of different products, and I take several hundred calls a day. It just cracks me up when these people somehow expect me to know exactly who they are and what specific item they want with information like that!

And seriously, the majority of the stupid calls come from bank tellers. It's not my business customers that are airheaded like this, it's the tellers. Now, not all tellers are like this, but I am quickly coming to think of bank tellers as not the brightest bulbs in the bunch.

I can also relate to what you have had to say about rich people not tipping. I've worked as a hairstylist and as a waitress for twelve years, and it's always the poor college students that tip me, and then drive away in the beaters, while the well-off don't tip, and drive off in their Lincoln Navigators.

It's definitely the people who have had to live on minimum wage and tips in the past who tip!

Wow, long comment, but **shrug**. It will give all your other readers something to poke at while we wait for another post.

Long live New York Hack!

--Rainne, Seattle, WA

Anonymous said...

i have been reading this for months

you do great stuff...just don't let patrick or others waste your comment space

Julie said...


Vee said...

I may be heading your way and I'm hoping and praying that by some miracle I end up in your cab. I know, what's the chances right?

Anonymous said...

don't ya mean
whores west whores west whores west?

Anonymous said...


myn said...

Troy said...

Y'know? A good writer is one who makes people want to read whatever they write. Really, I shouldn't care about any of the stuff that you are telling us, but I can't pull myself away. You should write a book. No, you should write a LOT of books.

andrew said...

I hate you Simon

stephanie_in_mass said...

Like...oh my god that was like, totally the coolest ever entry!! Like Simon was like all over me and stuff but Andrew was the best kisser oh my god the know? I couldn't resist have a good weekend!

Take Care!

Anonymous said...

They could've used Google Mobile Search. It works via cell text messages. Visit for a lesson.

MTM said...

You are a great writer..
PUBLISH a book so you can be famous & go on OPRAH...( Oh side note make sure the stories you tell are real, maybe you should get affidavites)

Anonymous said...

maybe in Scores East they feature asian hot chicks??

Simon said...

actually, Andrew and I are together!! and Gabe's coming by for some fun too!

Love the blog!

AH! said...

Scores West...Score East...why can't we all just get along...and go look at strippers?

David said...

28th between 10th and 11th. Right across from the Eagle, if you want some gay leather action.

Kelley said...

I see 12" of snow and 50mph gusts forcast for NYC this weekend...hope it doesn't totally screw things up for safe :)

Anonymous said...

I work at Scores West, and it IS actually superior to our East counterpart. Like being a cabby, it's a horrendous job, but it's only temporary. I'm a med student at Columbia, but the duds who come pay me at Scores talk to me like I have the mental capacity of a gerbil.

99% of the time, this doesn't faze me, since they are paying my tuition bill three times over. :)

Oh, and if you're wondering, yes, I am gay, and yes, most of the girls I work with are, too. There. The secret is out. Sorry, boys.

Keep on blogging, Melissa. You make me smile.


texmextamale said...

anon: you a dancer? heck i'll come watch ^.^

ramblingmuse said...


I'll be sure to pass that on Andrew's availability and the address to Scores West to your next round of passengers. :-P

Naughty Nurse said...

Love the pic of Times Square. I love that place! I couldn't get enough of it when I was there. I know. What a touristy thing to say. Can't help it.

Been reading you for a while now. I'm always looking for a new post. You rock!

I love your style! Not just the writing either.

Anonymous said...

Just visited NY for the first itme and am missing it. This gives me back a little bit of that NY feeling. Lots of fun.

Anonymous said...

Damn girl, you're playing in Japan!

NY cabdriver blogs through taxi's windshield. Click here to play video. --Mainichi Daily News

Nawf Carolina Fan

Anonymous said...

Apparently the anonymous person who wrote in all caps up there was one of your customers. I think your blog is quite good, though, and saying they were a cheap ass jerk might have been stating the obvious. I found this site after seeing the report by the AP on Earthlink video news. Keep up the good work!

Rob said...

Yo! Hello from San Francisco! Been to New Yawk few times but never took a single cab. Your site is da BESSST!!! Funny stuff, great writing style, thoughtful and entertaining. I think you should absolutely positively be nominated for Webby or Bloggy Awards if there such!? We'll vote for ya. Keep it up!! Can't wait for the nest update.

Anonymous said...

To the Scores West dancer who posted anonymously above:

Did you know that a dancer at Scores East has a blog? LINK She can write quite well, too. I've been aware for some time that 99.9% of exotic dancers hate their jobs and their clientele, but some of her blog entries were the straw that broke the camel's back and ruined strip clubs for me for good.

coldtop said...

scores west,scores west, scores west, scores west,SCORES WEST ROFL

Anonymous said...

I really enjoy your blog Melissa, keep up the great work. BTW, if it matters I heard about it from J. McDonagh's Radio Free Eireann programme a few months ago.

Best of luck.

Twiz said...

Your blog is pretty cool. I'm really glad I stumbled across it.

kane said...

I love reading this blog. When I first heard of it through the media I checked it out, and I haven't stopped coming back. Keep up the great writing!!

Venky said...

i dunno which digicam u use, melissa, but the pictures sure are crystal clear and superb. could u tell me the model so i can check out if its available here in bombay, india? thanx.

Amy said...

I love your blog, I read it all the time, I just wanted to delurk and say I work for 411 so I completely get your frustration, that sounded just like a call I would've gotten!! Cept it'd be me asking them to spell something (b/c they can't pronounce it right) and all they would do is repeat it over and over, maybe telling me what it is but NEVER spelling it for me. And I've gotten calls for that Scores, lol. I get lots of calls from people in cabs in NYC.

Jess said...

i wish YOU had been my driver when i lived in come i always got the ones who seemed *pissed* at me for flagging them down?

...Anyway, this fall, I'll be back. Maybe i'll be a passenger! :)

cool blog, dude.

Anonymous said...

All I can say is that women (girls) just love to talk, talk, talk!

Kelley said...

Wow 26.9 inches of snow in Central Park! There is just something indescribably beautiful about Sunday morning virgin snow in Central Park...well if business was slow Saturday night I bet you got some cool pics.

LOL hope you stocked up on TP ;-)

TC said...

I've only ridden in a cab in Las Vegas ~ after flying there, our first stop was a gun store to buy pepper spray. Two young women on their first trip to Vegas, turns out it was pretty safe, but who knew. The cab ride was ... umm .... fun.

mysteryfan said...

Bill's all upset. Waaaaaaaaa! ROFL. So anyway, what are all the sane people talking about in here? Anything good?

Smile big. Smile reeeeeeeeal big.

Oh, and pee pee boy posted my spam address on the other thread. I want to make sure everyone has it. Please be sure to forward all spam to

Thanks. :D

Anonymous said...

And another e-mail YVETTECOPY@YAHOO.COM for Yvette Cathers who works in BROADCASTING lives in PENNSYLVANIA and has 1 son. Her fathers name is Richard and her mothers name is Maria.

You suck like a bad egg, im going to call the game off now because your acting eratic and i think its starting to go a bit far with you.

I apologise that it has come this far, lets make friends ok?


Anonymous said...

Yvette Elizabeth Cathers
(16th Feb 1963)

Attended Youngstown State University

Anonymous said...

when we become friends again please dont make violent threats towards me again.



Anonymous said...

sweet blog actually my first and hopefully my last :) dont wanna be addicted to this :) keep it up :) ill read this one :)

Anonymous said...

You know, I'll miss the comments section of this blog. There's always some complete tool fucking it up for everyone.

Anonymous said...

cheers to that

mysteryfan said...

Oh I get it. You googled my online resume. rofl. Could have saved everyone the trouble by simply posting the link. Here you go:

By the way, is an email 10 years old and spammed even worse than the other email you posted. By the way, I do not live in PA.

You're putting a lot of effort into carrying on a losing argument with a total stranger over the internet. You lost. And now you're showing everyone that you're psycho. Enjoy your meds Bill.

Smile big. Smile reeeeeeeal big. LOL

mysteryfan said...

Melissa, you really have my sympathies having to work with this guy. He's seriously cracked.

Art said...

Apparently scores west is pretty famous with comedians.

ROBIN WILLIAMS' been there.

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